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Thursday, April 28, 2011


Having babies born 16 weeks early has changed my relationship with God.

That seems like a given, doesn't it? A "duh" statement, because something this big, something as life-changing and earth-shattering can't be without spiritual ramifications, can it? What has surprised me though, is how deep and complex my feelings towards Him have been.

I am angry. I rage and lash out and question His plans, because how could he do this to my babies?

I am heartbroken. I watch my tiny babies fight just to stay alive and I beg and plead with Him to save them, heal them, make them better.

I am weary, tired in every sense of the word. I cling to His promises like life perservers and there are days when I just have to say "this is as far as I can go today, Lord, I need you to drag me by the collar through the rest."

But I am also grateful. So very very grateful. There was a time, in those early days in the hospital, when it was questionable if I would even have babies to worry about. The fact that they are here at all is enough to bring me to my knees with thanks.

And I am hopeful. I believe, wholeheartedly, that He can save them, that he will save them. I believe in His miracles.

My grace is enough; it's all you need. 2 Corinthians 12:9


  1. You are awesome hon. *huge hugs*

  2. Jessica, you have been so inspiring through all of this. I've been continually praying for your sweet and delicate family. You can do this. He is here to help. Love you guys.

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  4. your thoughts and words are real... thank you fore sharing your soul and journey with Him! Love you little lady and I am praying for your little miracles!! --- Heather

  5. I know we were never all that close, just had a few classes together in college, but reading your blog has been so encouraging to me. You have managed to see the bright side in every day with these tiny babies. Even this post just shows that you're human. You're in my prayers and I will continue to read your updates. Thank you for exposing your life and your heart through all of this.


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