I'm having a day.
Don't worry, everything is ok with the babies.
And really, I'm fine too. We've been incredibly blessed these last 10 weeks with a relitively smooth NICU stay. (Sidenote: how has it been 10 weeks already?!?) It's just that sometimes? It can be totally overwhelming. And exhausting, in every sense of the word. And very "omg if I have to walk down this hall and be buzzed in through these doors one more time in my life I'm going to scream". Right now is one of those times for me.
You're not supposed to know things about the other babies, but in a bay-style NICU it's hard not to. And this week, I overheard that the baby next to Audrey has NEC. I'm not going to tell you about NEC - not because I don't want to but because as a preemie mom it is probably my second biggest fear - and typing out the gory details that a NEC diagnosis can include would probably be the proverbial straw for this camel. A transport team came yesterday and packed that little baby up and shuttled him to a bigger hospital that is better equipped to deal with his diagnosis. That poor little guy has been weighing on my heart.
Then Audrey had to get a blood transfusion today. There's nothing even wrong with that, she's started making her own red blood cells but she's not quite making them fast enough. She's a little tired and the extra blood will probably give her a boost. But they had to start and IV to do the transfusion. And we got all our IVs out weeks ago, and it was such a "one more step forward" kind of thing, and now we're back to the needles. And watching your baby get stuck is never ever a fun thing. On top of that, we missed our once-a-day breastfeeding because of it, which was a major major bummer for me.
So now, I'm going to go eat a cupcake. And maybe skip my 3AM pumping so that I can get some good sleep. And I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning!