(Not-so-)Wordless Wednesday: One Year Ago Today

I will never ever, as long as I live, til the day I die, EVER forget the look on my midwife's face as she peeked over the curtain, asked me when my last ultrasound was, and told me she was sending me to the hospital "just to get checked out". Getting "checked out" led to "staying overnight", which led to "here for the long haul" which, we all know, was 12 days in all and ended with my babies being born at 24 weeks and 1 day.

Our journey really began one year ago today. What a wild year it has been.

A Picture Update!

Wanna see what we've been up to?

We got a new stroller! Haha not really big news, but it was pretty exciting for us :) It's a Baby Jogger City Mini Double, and I LOOOOVE it! The babies like it too!

We got our last Synagis shots, Hallelujah! For one, those once-a-month shots are AWFUL. Two, that means that RSV season is almost over, which means our hibernating days are almost over!

Grayson started sitting unassisted. This is a major milestone!

This is BIG NEWS... we were chosen as the Ambassador Family for our area's March for Babies! The March of Dimes funds and supports research to prevent premature labor and to support premature babies, so it is obviously an organization that is SO close to my heart. I am thrilled!
(Shameless plug: if you'd like to donate to our MOD team, you can do so at http://www.marchforbabies.org/jlee22! )

We celebrated the twins' first Valentine's Day! How rotten can they be, really?

We started party planning (WHAT?!?)

I spent a day here, at the Georgia State Capitol, lobbying for the March of Dimes. It was such a cool experience!

Audrey decided she was a big girl. Where are my teeny tiny babies?!?

And last but not least, I was in a wedding last Saturday for one of my way-back-when friends. Has nothing to do with the babies, but I had a wonderful time! Congrats Michele and James!

Well hey, Blogger.

It's been awhile, huh?

In fact, it looks like I skipped the whole month of February. Oops! I didn't do that on purpose.

The thing is (and this is me being real and honest here), I've been having a really hard time with this time of year. It was this time last year that I was big and pregnant. We had found out on the first of February that we were expecting a boy and a girl. We were planning the nursery, picking names, buying things in pink and blue. The babies were just beginning to be really active and Chris was just beginning to be able to feel them from the outside.

One of the last belly pictures, taken March 5 2011 (almost a year ago exactly!)

I was one of those insufferable women who really LOVED being pregnant. I felt amazing, I carried it well, my hair was awesome. My pregnancy was perfect until it wasn't. And now, looking back on that time in my life is so bittersweet. I was so blissfully unaware of everything that was going to go wrong. I'm glad I have those wonderful memories, but I also still mourn the trimester I never got. I have moments where I am jaded and bitter and angry. I'm not proud of them, but they are a part of me and a part of this whole preemie-mom experience.

And all I can do is keep moving forward from it.

They make it all worth it :)

Saturday Morning Pancakes

Finger foods are a big hit with us, can ya tell?

Happy weekend friends :)

How to Save a Life

Being a stay-at-home mom has given me lots and lots of opportunities. I get to watch my babies grow. I get all the special, little moments. We don't have to worry about putting them in yucky, germy daycares when they are still so susceptible to those yucky germs. I get to wear yoga pants every day.

And I get to watch all the seasons of Grey's Anatomy that are re-run on Lifetime. I was a freshman in college when the series began and I've watched it religiously ever since - through the horrible brain cancer-induced hallucinations and the buses running over people (STILL NOT OVER THAT) and the post it wedding. I love Grey's Anatomy. The fact that Lifetime replays them all in order is awesome, because like I said, I love Grey's Anatomy.

Well, it was awesome. Until today, when they played THAT episode.

I knew it was coming. I knew it on Friday when they played the episode where Callie had her baby shower. I haven't seen it since it first aired and I knew it was coming and yet, like that car wreck, I still had to watch.

For those of you who don't watch Grey's, let me fill you in. First of all, let's start with the fact that this episode first aired on March 31, 2011. That's right, a mere 6 days after my babies - my teeny, tiny, pound-and-a-half, micropreemie babies - were born. This is relevant.

In this particular episode, Callie Torres is 23 and a half weeks pregnant and, as a result of an ill-timed seat belt unbuckling, is sent through the windshield of her car. She's in a coma, has massive brain injuries, heart injuries, so on and so forth... and her micropreemie baby ends up being born just shy of 24 weeks.

People had mixed reactions to the episode when it first aired. There were some major inaccuracies, they missed some obvious preemie things and mishandled some very touchy topics. Mostly, people hated the singing. I forgot to mention the singing. It was pretty ridiculous. Fellow preemie mom blogger Kayla Aimee wrote a really awesome review post on the episode after it first aired. My only reaction the first time I saw the episode? I was a hysterical emotional disaster. My poor mom and husband watched me practically flood our living room I was crying so hard (and still I refused to let them even near the remotes).

I couldn't give a good review of the episode, I could barely form a coherent sentence as I watched scenes from my very own life play out on my TV not even a week later.

And honestly? I thought it would be easier this time around. It has been almost 10 months, my life is so different now. Last time I was just getting into a routine of leaving my babies over and over again. This time when I sat down to watch it, I had just laid my big, beautiful, healthy babies down for a nap - in their own cribs, here at home. And still? I had absolutely no control over my emotions. Ten months and a lifetime later, and watching the hardest piece of my life through someone else's eyes still reduced me to a hysterical emotional disaster. Those emotions are still so raw for me. I'm afraid they always will be.

What about you? Have you seen this episode? What did YOU think about it?

So What Wednesday!

I'm linking up with Shannon at Life After I "Dew" for my very first So What Wednesday!

This week I'm saying "So What!" if...

-My New Year's resolution was to blog more. Eleven days in and I've only got 2 posts down (um, including this one). Oops. In my defense, my mom has been visiting since right after Christmas, so we've been busy hanging out with her!

-Sometimes, when we are particularly fussy and I've tried everything (EVERYTHING) I can, I just sit with them and let them cry. And take pictures to text to my husband with captions like "We miss you daddy!" and "Don't you wish you were here?"

-We had our 6 month post-discharge appointment with the NICU clinic and I teared up a little bit when they told us we wouldn't have to go there anymore. It was such a big step and I'm more than a little sad to leave the people who have seen us since the babies were their teeny tiniest. I am still (and forever will be) so so SO indebted to them.

-I accidentally spoiled the ending of last week's Greys Anatomy for about 67% of my facebook friends. Sorry yall.

-Maybe (and I will only concede to a maybe) its time to retire the vibrating chair.

What are YOU saying "So What!" to this week?

2012!

I knew 2011 was going to be an amazing year. I was settling into my pregnancy as I rang in the New Year, I was full of hopes and plans for 2011.

I knew it was going to be the most amazing year I've ever had. I had no idea that it would also be the hardest, most trying year I've ever had.

Thank you - from the bottom of my heart, thank you - to all of you who cried and laughed and sat bedside in the hospital with me, to all of you who supported me and celebrated with me in 2011. I would not have made it through this year without you.

I don't know what 2012 has in store for my sweet family of 4. But I know it will be awesome, even in the hard times. Because I rang in the New Year by kissing these sweet faces...

And we can absolutely make it through anything :)

(Don't worry, those sweet faces were in bed at their normal time tonight. But I totally did sneak in and steal kisses at midnight!)

Happy New Year friends... I hope 2012 is everything you wish it to be!!!

Who am I, Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? -2 Samuel 7:18