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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Bedrest Memoirs

I don't think I've mentioned it much outside of my birth story, but before the twins were born, I spent 12 days on hospital bedrest. I didn't start this blog until after they were born though, so I don't really have a good account of what went down in those 12 days. And this was not just "prop your feet up, take it easy" bedrest. This was "flat on my back, bed tipped head-down, do not sneeze, do not sit up, do not pass go, do not collect $200" bedrest. I tried to write about it in my paper journal but I was high as a kite the whole time and only wrote in there about 3 times. Oh, and we have one really hysterical and disturbing video that Chris took of me, cross-eyed and rambling about chicken fingers from Dairy Queen. I don't know either.

(Sidenote: I find it ironically funny that I was THAT pregnant lady who absolutely wouldn't take anything more than Tylenol - I even Googled the ingredients in my facewash before I would use it. Then I went into labor at 22 weeks and spent 12 days being pumped full of all kinds of drugs. Best laid plans, right?)

Anywho, Birthday Week has made me all weepy nostalgic, so I thought I'd talk a little about the time I spent in bed. Most of it is one big blur (see again: high as a kite) but there are some things that still stand out in my mind.

-Trying to brush my teeth was hilarious. Like I said, I couldn't even sit up, so they would bring me my toothbrush and put one of those vomit-catchers next to my head, and I would have to crane my neck to spit without getting it all over me. It took a couple tries to get it right but I was a pro by the end of it.
-Eating was hard, too. I quickly got to the point where I could only handle soft, easily digested foods. My poor father-in-law went to Cracker Barrel three days in a row before he was able to scrounge up some of their sweet potato casserole for me.
-The Mag Sulfate IV I had made me feel like I was burning up from the inside out. I was constantly begging everyone around me to turn the air down "just a little bit more pleaaaaase". Except then my feet would freeze, so I would beg for more blankets. I would literally have four blankets folded up and piled on my feet, and beads of sweat on my forehead at the same time.
-The hospital TV had like, 9 of the most random channels. I watched SO MUCH Food Network.
-Chris had made friends with a few of the ER nurses during his time on road patrol with the Sheriff's Office, and one of them came and washed my hair for me after a couple days. It was at 3am after her shift had ended and she used a (clean) male urine catcher and a (clean) bedpan.
-Audrey's water ruptured about a week into my stay. The nurse I had that day cried when she told me my AmnioSure test came back positive. I cannot say enough how amazing my care was while I was there.
-The babies had to be constantly monitored because of all the aforementioned medicines, but they were so tiny at the time that it was hard to keep them on the monitors. One particularly crafty nurse made the nursing students stand for 20 minutes holding the monitors on my belly so we could get a good reading. They had just come from their first birth experience, they were all so pumped up and then they got to me and had to just stand there for the better part of half an hour. Poor kids.
-Before everything went down, my biggest fear about labor was that I wouldn't have time to shave my legs before delivery. How's that for perspective? Pretty sure my legs were the hairiest they had ever been by that point.

Crazy times. I still can't believe that was a year ago.

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