Today was Grayson's day to shine... and shine he did.
My precious baby boy waited patiently for his turn (I'm glad Audrey has spunk like she does but I'm equally as glad that Grayson is so laid back!) and when they finally (FINALLY) took his tube out too he settled right in with his new gear and my baby breathed on his own.
I have two breathing babies.
I just don't have words for the beauty of the last two days.
In His hand is the life of every creature, and the breath of every human being. -Job 12:10
Monday, May 16, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
CPAP!
Today has been an exciting day!
The babies' team was all set to extubate everyone after rounds this morning, but Sassy got a little impatient and pulled her own tube out before it was time. (Have I mentioned yet that I FEAR the teenage years with that one?) Luckily their team is awesome and acted fast and got her hooked up to the CPAP before she crashed. She took to it like a champ and is doing AWESOME!!! The mask looks uncomfortable and she gets fussy every now and then but it's just going to take a few days for her to get used to her new setup. But her vitals have been stable and she is breathing. My baby is breathing!
Since Audrey's extubation was so, um, exciting, they wanted to be able to keep a good eye on her and decided to save Grayson's for tomorrow. He's ready though, he is so ready. He's been satting in the high 90s all day - on only 24% oxygen - he's letting us know he is ready.
I wish I had words more sufficient than thank you when it comes to your prayers. I don't think I could ever say it enough times to relay our gratitude.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6-7
The babies' team was all set to extubate everyone after rounds this morning, but Sassy got a little impatient and pulled her own tube out before it was time. (Have I mentioned yet that I FEAR the teenage years with that one?) Luckily their team is awesome and acted fast and got her hooked up to the CPAP before she crashed. She took to it like a champ and is doing AWESOME!!! The mask looks uncomfortable and she gets fussy every now and then but it's just going to take a few days for her to get used to her new setup. But her vitals have been stable and she is breathing. My baby is breathing!
Since Audrey's extubation was so, um, exciting, they wanted to be able to keep a good eye on her and decided to save Grayson's for tomorrow. He's ready though, he is so ready. He's been satting in the high 90s all day - on only 24% oxygen - he's letting us know he is ready.
I wish I had words more sufficient than thank you when it comes to your prayers. I don't think I could ever say it enough times to relay our gratitude.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6-7
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Breathe on me
It has been seven and a half weeks that the babies have been on ventilators.
Two of those for Grayson were on the oscillator.
There have been no less than 11 accidental extubations and subsequent re-intubations between the two of them. About half of those were the babies pulling their own tubes out.
There has been a five-day round of steriods for each baby to help mature their lungs.
Tomorrow, those tubes are coming out - hopefully, for good.
The doctor wrote orders today for the babies to move to C-PAP tomorrow morning. The C-PAP stands for "continuous positive airway pressure". Basically, it is a mask they wear that blows a continuous stream of air to keep their lungs partially inflated between breaths, which makes breathing less work for them.
They will be getting some extra support but what that means is my babies will be breathing on their own.
If you can spare a prayer, pray for us for tomorrow. Pray for doctors that can work swiftly and steadily. Pray that my babies stay strong and take to the change well. Pray for my babies to breathe.
"Come trickle down and save the world
Two hands that I can't see
Come breathe, come breathe,
Come breathe on me"
-Jennifer Knapp, Breathe On Me
Two of those for Grayson were on the oscillator.
There have been no less than 11 accidental extubations and subsequent re-intubations between the two of them. About half of those were the babies pulling their own tubes out.
There has been a five-day round of steriods for each baby to help mature their lungs.
Tomorrow, those tubes are coming out - hopefully, for good.
The doctor wrote orders today for the babies to move to C-PAP tomorrow morning. The C-PAP stands for "continuous positive airway pressure". Basically, it is a mask they wear that blows a continuous stream of air to keep their lungs partially inflated between breaths, which makes breathing less work for them.
They will be getting some extra support but what that means is my babies will be breathing on their own.
If you can spare a prayer, pray for us for tomorrow. Pray for doctors that can work swiftly and steadily. Pray that my babies stay strong and take to the change well. Pray for my babies to breathe.
Two hands that I can't see
Come breathe, come breathe,
Come breathe on me"
-Jennifer Knapp, Breathe On Me
Friday, May 13, 2011
Hiccups
I had a big entry planned in my mind.
It was going to be a pretty negative entry. I was going to complain about some stuff, talk about some people, unload some petty things that have been weighing on me.
But then, when I was holding Audrey this afternoon, we got this...
And really, is there anything else that matters? Anything besides those big eyes that look for us now and those adorable hiccups and that smile that slays me every time and the fact that this beautiful baby girl and her brother are living, breathing miracles?
They are my whole world. And they are the only thing that matters.
It was going to be a pretty negative entry. I was going to complain about some stuff, talk about some people, unload some petty things that have been weighing on me.
But then, when I was holding Audrey this afternoon, we got this...
Untitled from Jessica Lee on Vimeo.
And really, is there anything else that matters? Anything besides those big eyes that look for us now and those adorable hiccups and that smile that slays me every time and the fact that this beautiful baby girl and her brother are living, breathing miracles?
They are my whole world. And they are the only thing that matters.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Happy Mother's Day!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Why?
I have a lot to write about.
Like how going back to work wasn't so bad. And about the March of Dimes walk I did this morning that was wonderful and so fufilling. And I need to make a big ol' update about the babies and how AWESOME they are doing.
But today... today, a new baby was admitted into our NICU. Not an uncommon occurance, but this baby is different. This is the first baby I've seen where the nurses have whispered "probably won't make it".
It shatters my heart.
I see this mom, still in a hospital gown and hooked to an IV, and she looks terrified and I want to hug her and tell her it's ok but the fact of the matter is it's not ok. This woman is living out my greatest fear right in front of my eyes, the fear that I danced dangerously close to and somehow escaped, it is her reality now and it absolutely shatters my heart.
I've asked God why a LOT throughout the last eight weeks. Why me? Why us? Why my precious, tiny babies? Why did this happen to me, and not my sister-in-law, or my three (yes, three) best friends who are also pregnant, or the woman in line behind me in Target? Why didn't He stop it from happening, make me go to the doctor earlier, slow my contractions? Why?
Tonight though, I'm asking a different kind of why. Why have my babies done so well? Why do I get to keep them and other women don't? That baby is no younger or smaller than what my babies were (because let's face it, my babies were as young and as small as they could be and still be considered "viable"), they were born at the same hospital with the same medical team and the same care, so what makes them different?
I know that I will probably never know the "becasue" to my "why". I just know that my babies are special, they were chosen for this and this is the path that my family was given to walk and there's no turning back now. And I know that I am incredibly lucky.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." -Jeremiah 1:5
Like how going back to work wasn't so bad. And about the March of Dimes walk I did this morning that was wonderful and so fufilling. And I need to make a big ol' update about the babies and how AWESOME they are doing.
But today... today, a new baby was admitted into our NICU. Not an uncommon occurance, but this baby is different. This is the first baby I've seen where the nurses have whispered "probably won't make it".
It shatters my heart.
I see this mom, still in a hospital gown and hooked to an IV, and she looks terrified and I want to hug her and tell her it's ok but the fact of the matter is it's not ok. This woman is living out my greatest fear right in front of my eyes, the fear that I danced dangerously close to and somehow escaped, it is her reality now and it absolutely shatters my heart.
I've asked God why a LOT throughout the last eight weeks. Why me? Why us? Why my precious, tiny babies? Why did this happen to me, and not my sister-in-law, or my three (yes, three) best friends who are also pregnant, or the woman in line behind me in Target? Why didn't He stop it from happening, make me go to the doctor earlier, slow my contractions? Why?
Tonight though, I'm asking a different kind of why. Why have my babies done so well? Why do I get to keep them and other women don't? That baby is no younger or smaller than what my babies were (because let's face it, my babies were as young and as small as they could be and still be considered "viable"), they were born at the same hospital with the same medical team and the same care, so what makes them different?
I know that I will probably never know the "becasue" to my "why". I just know that my babies are special, they were chosen for this and this is the path that my family was given to walk and there's no turning back now. And I know that I am incredibly lucky.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." -Jeremiah 1:5
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
9 to 5
Well, more like 7 to 3 since I'm a teacher, but you get the idea.
I'm going back to work tomorrow.
I had my six week post partum appointment today - which was oddly hard and emotional - but they officially cleared me to go back to work. So back I go.
I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I'm kind of glad. It'll get me out of the house, back around people, give me a sense of purpose (because OMG being a NICU mom can sometimes make you feel so helpless). On the other hand though, it almost feels like I'm leaving my babies. I mean, I leave them every day, multiple times a day, but this seems so much more. My NICU time will be cut almost in half (although some may say that's not a bad thing) and, realistically, I'll only make two touchtimes, three at the most. I feel like I'm going to miss so much! Thank goodness for nurses who don't mind crazy mamas calling all day long.
Lucky for me, with the whole teacher thing it will only be for three weeks. I can do three weeks. Besides, like Chris likes to tell me... we have the best babysitters in the whole world :)
I'm going back to work tomorrow.
I had my six week post partum appointment today - which was oddly hard and emotional - but they officially cleared me to go back to work. So back I go.
I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I'm kind of glad. It'll get me out of the house, back around people, give me a sense of purpose (because OMG being a NICU mom can sometimes make you feel so helpless). On the other hand though, it almost feels like I'm leaving my babies. I mean, I leave them every day, multiple times a day, but this seems so much more. My NICU time will be cut almost in half (although some may say that's not a bad thing) and, realistically, I'll only make two touchtimes, three at the most. I feel like I'm going to miss so much! Thank goodness for nurses who don't mind crazy mamas calling all day long.
Lucky for me, with the whole teacher thing it will only be for three weeks. I can do three weeks. Besides, like Chris likes to tell me... we have the best babysitters in the whole world :)
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