Baby's First ER Trip

As the First Birthday mark came and went, I had a little bit of sadness at our dwindling list of "Firsts" to look forward to. Sure, there's steps, and words, and days of school, and fun things like that. But with the First Birthday, all the other holidays have past and have lost the title of "First". We've had first smiles and first laughs and first time trying solid food. My babies are growing up and it makes me kinda sad, yall. Each First we pass makes me a little bit more nostalgic.

Except this one. This one was no fun.

To my credit, we made it 9 months out of the hospital - and through RSV season! - before we had to go back. That's pretty good, by preemie standards.

All day Thursday though, and into Friday, Audrey was pretty fussy. She can be a little on the dramatic side sometimes (I have no idea where she gets it from) so I chalked it up to teething, and offered up all my go-to teething tricks. Friday she catnapped all day (so not like her) and before lunchtime she felt a little warm, so I added a dose of Tylenol to the mix before I fed her and put her down for her nap. When my mom (who was visiting) got her up from that nap, Audrey was burning up. I scrambled for the thermometer, stuck it under her armpit, and watched the numbers creep up. And up. And up.

103.2

I'd be lying if I said I didn't panic a little. I have never seen the numbers on a thermometer go that high. I called our pediatrician in a panic, but seeing as it was late Friday afternoon by this point he said that our best bet would be to skip his office and go straight the the ER at the Children's Hospital. We called Chris to come home early, left Grayson with my mom and headed out.

I've never been to the ER. I've never broken a bone or had food poisoning bad enough to warrant a visit *knocks on wood*. I've been to the hospital before - I had outpatient surgery once, and I visited my brother when we was born. And that whole 15-day stay in L&D when I had the babies. But I had never been to the ER. I was only slightly terrified.

When we got there though, it really wasn't that bad. They triaged her, took her vitals, and we only waited about 30 minutes before we were shown to a room.

Everyone at Scottish Rite was wonderful. The nurses and doctor we saw were so good with Audrey. Don't get me wrong, the visit itself was miserable. They had to insert a catheter to get a urine sample, and four nurses all tried to get blood from her with no success (apparently her veins are still terrible from all the NICU sticks). But the people? Fantastic.

All her tests came back normal though, and her fever broke with the combination of some Motrin plus one more dose of Tylenol and she was back to her smiley, charming self. The doctor said it was most likely just a virus. She also said that A was one of the prettiest babies she had ever seen. I don't now jack about the medical part but I totally agree with her on the latter :)

And by the next day, she was totally back to normal. She felt so good, in fact, that she was able to figure out this new trick.

Please send help.

Wordless Wednesday: Daddy's Little Girl

So... this happened today.

There she goes! from Jessica Lee on Vimeo.

Looks like my Saturday plans just became "babyproofing". Watch out, world!

Happy weekend, friends :)

Wordless Wednesday: Happy Girls Are the Prettiest

Today, Not Tomorrow

Dontcha just love it when God taps your selfish self on the shoulder and teaches you a big ol' lesson? Yeah, me too.

When you are in the NICU, you learn to really cherish the little moments with your babies because really, moments is all you get with them in there. And when my babies came home, I clung to that philosophy. I cherished the middle of the night feedings, spent hours snuggling, and once my mom went home, my house fell to ruins because I was too busy watching the babies sleep to do silly things like vacuum.

After a few weeks though, life caught up with me and I started to try to get back into the swing of things. Taking care of babies is just one part of being a Stay-At-Home-Mom, right? And somewhere in the mix, snuggling babies to sleep turned into "OMG PLEASE NAP SO I CAN FOLD THESE CLOTHES!"

And then Audrey got sick.


Sad, sick, feverish baby

It wasn't anything major, in fact, I thought it was a reaction to her 6 month shots. But her high fever and subsequent rash turned out to be a case of Roseola, which, in normal babies, is usually no big deal. But my babies aren't normal babies. And the chest congestion that can come with Roseola landed Audrey, who had been oxygen-free for three weeks, back on the cannula for four days.

She's fine now, but man was that a tough, scary pill for this mama to swallow.

I have read other preemie moms make comments along the lines of "I went X amount of days without my baby, we'll spend the rest of our lives making up that lost time." I can understand that train of thought, but the fact of the matter is you're not guaranteed that time at all. Just because your babies spent three months in the NICU does not mean that you will have 3 months or 3 years or 30 years with them at home. Tomorrow is not promised to us, we all know that but I think it's easy for us to forget that.

Enjoy your loved ones today. Snuggle your babies, hug your mom, kiss your spouse, call your sister. Life is so temporary, yall. You won't regret loving someone while you're here.

We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love each other. Anyone who does not love remains in death. 1 John 3:14

Sugar and Spice

Wanna know what one of my new favorite parts of having a little girl is?

Are you ready?

Can you handle the cute?



BUTT RUFFLES! OMG!

(Don't worry Grayson, I still think you're handsome. But little girl clothes are so much cuter.)

Two Months!

Both babies at once, for the very first time!

To my little loves,

Today you are two months old! Two months! There was a time that I didn't think I was going to get two days with you, so two months seems like such a huge accomplishment and an even bigger blessing. Two months - 61 days, to be exact - doesn't seem like that long but I already can't remember life without the two of you. How did I live without this enormous love?

Audrey

birthday // one month // two months
You love your paci and your daddy's voice. You're such a snuggler now and your favorite place is curled up on my chest with your head on my shoulder. You have the biggest most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen on a baby and the nurses all love your cheeks and laugh about how active you are in your bed during the "quiet times". They say you look like your daddy but I don't really see it, I think you have my nose and that you kind of look like my mom (your grandma) did when she was a baby. You FINALLY hit three pounds just this week and now you clock in at 3lb 7 oz, which is 2lb 2oz more than what you weighed when you were born.

Grayson

birthday // one month // two months
You just discovered your love for the paci too and you are so funny to watch with it, because you chomp on that thing like it is your job! You sleep like a champ (can we keep that up once you get home please?!?) and you make the cutest faces when we talk to you. In the picture of you with no tubes on you look just like my Grandpa did, you'll never get to meet him but I know that he would have loved you so very much. We tease you about being a wimpy white boy but you always prove us wrong in the end, and you're still my chunky monkey at 3lb 12oz (up 2lb 4oz since birth).


Look at how far you two have come in such a short time! I have said it a million times but I will never be able to put into words just how proud I am of you, my sweet little babies. You have shown me what is important in life - and there is nothing more important to me than the two of you. You are absolutely my reason for breathing.

I love you two, all the way to the moon and back.
-Mommy

Let's Play a Game!

First one who can figure out what's missing in this picture of Audrey is the winner...




That's right! She's off her CPAP!!!! Another HUGE step!

(Oh and PS, the nurses are all pretty sure that it should only be a few days before Grayson is extubated again, he's almost back to where he was when we did it the first time. He just got lazy about breathing. Love my wimpy white boy!)

CPAP!

Today has been an exciting day!

The babies' team was all set to extubate everyone after rounds this morning, but Sassy got a little impatient and pulled her own tube out before it was time. (Have I mentioned yet that I FEAR the teenage years with that one?) Luckily their team is awesome and acted fast and got her hooked up to the CPAP before she crashed. She took to it like a champ and is doing AWESOME!!! The mask looks uncomfortable and she gets fussy every now and then but it's just going to take a few days for her to get used to her new setup. But her vitals have been stable and she is breathing. My baby is breathing!

Since Audrey's extubation was so, um, exciting, they wanted to be able to keep a good eye on her and decided to save Grayson's for tomorrow. He's ready though, he is so ready. He's been satting in the high 90s all day - on only 24% oxygen - he's letting us know he is ready.

I wish I had words more sufficient than thank you when it comes to your prayers. I don't think I could ever say it enough times to relay our gratitude.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6-7

Hiccups

I had a big entry planned in my mind.

It was going to be a pretty negative entry. I was going to complain about some stuff, talk about some people, unload some petty things that have been weighing on me.

But then, when I was holding Audrey this afternoon, we got this...

Untitled from Jessica Lee on Vimeo.

And really, is there anything else that matters? Anything besides those big eyes that look for us now and those adorable hiccups and that smile that slays me every time and the fact that this beautiful baby girl and her brother are living, breathing miracles?

They are my whole world. And they are the only thing that matters.

Lighten Up

After all my feelings in the last post, let's lighten things up around here! I think I know just the thing to do the trick...


How could you NOT love that Grayson face?!?


Or Audrey's sleepy smile?

Not to brag, but man I make some cute kids!

Time marches on

It's been a few days, huh? The babies are three weeks old now (well, three weeks and two days), holy moly! Which puts them at 27 weeks (and three days) gestational age.

Here's a quick update on my munchkins:

Grayson
-We have a two pound baby!!! They weighed him yesterday and he was 2lb 11oz, but the paralytic he was on last week has made him retain a LOT of fluid and his nurse said he was probably closer to 2lb5oz or so. BUT STILL! Two pounds!!!
-And they were able to weigh him today because HE IS OFF THE OSCILLATOR!!!!!! His blood gases have been good so they tried him back on the traditional vent and so far he's been doing pretty well. (Minus an episode this afternoon where his lung secretions plugged his tube and he had to be reintubated. Scariest. Thing. EVER. to witness, at least from a mom standpoint. But I digress...) They warned me that he might have to go back on the oscillator BUT TODAY HE IS OFF. Hooray!
-He finally kicked his first infection but now they think he might have another. They repeated his blood culture and we're waiting to hear back from it... pray for a negative result!
-He's still such a laid-back baby. He hardly ever gets riled up but he makes the CUTEST faces. And I swear, he looks more like Chris every day.

Audrey
-She's still my tiny girl, her last weigh in was 1lb14oz. Not far behind her brother, and she's knocking on the 2 pound mark!
-She was diagnosed this week with a PDA. A PDA is a heart problem that is common in premature babies. Before birth, a large artery called the ductus arteriosus lets blood bypass the lungs because the fetus gets its oxygen through the placenta. The ductus arteriosus normally closes soon after birth so that blood can travel to the lungs and pick up oxygen, but in premature babies it sometimes doesn't close. They can use a medicine called Indocin (which, ironically, is the same medicine that stopped my contractions) to close it. Audrey's really isn't affecting her too much right now, and sometimes they can close on their own, so the doctors have decided to take a wait-and-see approach with her. Pray that it closes easily and doesn't cause andy problems for our baby girl!
-Her oxygen requirements have been really low lately (which is good!) although the number of breaths she needs from the ventilator is still pretty high. We're going in the right direction though, hopefully she'll be off the ventilator sooner rather than later!
-Miss Thing is still just as sassy as ever. The nurses all get the biggest kick out of her, they'll position her just right with all these rolled blankets and gel pads and she'll wiggle right out of it as soon as they're not looking and get right into however SHE wants to lay. Usually, that's with her knees pulled up and her hands up over her head, regardless of any tube or wire that may be in her way. She's set off many alarms by getting wrapped up in her tubes. She's also discovered her feeding tube, and has pulled it out no less than four times in the last three days. Girl is a MESS.

I think that about sums it up... we've been busy around here! It's still very two-steps-forward-one-step-backwards and it can be SO exhausting at times. I'm SO proud of my babies though, they are such little fighters. I'm a lucky mama!

Strap Yourself In

I've heard the NICU stay described as a "rollercoaster" more than once. And damn if that isn't the truth.

Grayson's doing ok. He still HATES the machine but they've been giving him medicine to keep him sedated so he's much more comfortable than he was. And the GOOD news is that the oscillator is doing what it's supposed to do - his oxygen requirements are still high BUT his blood gases have been AWESOME since he's been on it and they've already been able to wean him down a little bit. So that's a bright spot! Hopefully his stint on it will be short.

Thank you thank you THANK YOU for all your prayers... they are being felt and heard and answered.

And then the up... I got to hold Audrey today for the third time! And I got to hold her for A WHOLE HOUR while they administered her feeding! And her sat levels (the amount of oxygen in her blood) stayed perfect THE WHOLE TIME!!! She's really prone to de-satting when she's being messed with so that is a HUGE deal. Preemie moms always say that they're surprised at how light their babies are, but for me it's the opposite; I excpect them to be terribly fragile, like an eggshell or a Christmas ornament, so I'm always taken aback by how solid they really are. And having her against me, feeling her settle into my chest and wiggle and breathe is just... there are no words for it. And I am SO thankful that although the moments don't come often enough, they come.

I love my babies so much. And I love you all for loving them too.

The New Normal

There is an IV in my daughter's head.

Let that sink in for a second.

My beautiful, perfect little baby girl has a NEEDLE in her HEAD.

"Don't panic," the nurse said as I approached her isolette this afternoon (which of course, does nothing but make panic bubble up in my belly). I lifted the blanket that stays draped over her cover and I know my eyes gave me away entirely. "Every baby gets them at some point, it's totally normal" the nurse started quickly, "it doesn't bother her any more than the one in her arm or her foot did. That's actually a better place for them because she can't pull at it. Plus, look! She can kick both her legs now!"

It took me a while, but by the end of our visit it didn't bother me near as much, not any more than the other tubes and wires she's attached to. She's still my pretty little lady.

Though I will say, I never thought that my "normal" would include a needle in my baby's head.