Baby's First ER Trip

As the First Birthday mark came and went, I had a little bit of sadness at our dwindling list of "Firsts" to look forward to. Sure, there's steps, and words, and days of school, and fun things like that. But with the First Birthday, all the other holidays have past and have lost the title of "First". We've had first smiles and first laughs and first time trying solid food. My babies are growing up and it makes me kinda sad, yall. Each First we pass makes me a little bit more nostalgic.

Except this one. This one was no fun.

To my credit, we made it 9 months out of the hospital - and through RSV season! - before we had to go back. That's pretty good, by preemie standards.

All day Thursday though, and into Friday, Audrey was pretty fussy. She can be a little on the dramatic side sometimes (I have no idea where she gets it from) so I chalked it up to teething, and offered up all my go-to teething tricks. Friday she catnapped all day (so not like her) and before lunchtime she felt a little warm, so I added a dose of Tylenol to the mix before I fed her and put her down for her nap. When my mom (who was visiting) got her up from that nap, Audrey was burning up. I scrambled for the thermometer, stuck it under her armpit, and watched the numbers creep up. And up. And up.

103.2

I'd be lying if I said I didn't panic a little. I have never seen the numbers on a thermometer go that high. I called our pediatrician in a panic, but seeing as it was late Friday afternoon by this point he said that our best bet would be to skip his office and go straight the the ER at the Children's Hospital. We called Chris to come home early, left Grayson with my mom and headed out.

I've never been to the ER. I've never broken a bone or had food poisoning bad enough to warrant a visit *knocks on wood*. I've been to the hospital before - I had outpatient surgery once, and I visited my brother when we was born. And that whole 15-day stay in L&D when I had the babies. But I had never been to the ER. I was only slightly terrified.

When we got there though, it really wasn't that bad. They triaged her, took her vitals, and we only waited about 30 minutes before we were shown to a room.

Everyone at Scottish Rite was wonderful. The nurses and doctor we saw were so good with Audrey. Don't get me wrong, the visit itself was miserable. They had to insert a catheter to get a urine sample, and four nurses all tried to get blood from her with no success (apparently her veins are still terrible from all the NICU sticks). But the people? Fantastic.

All her tests came back normal though, and her fever broke with the combination of some Motrin plus one more dose of Tylenol and she was back to her smiley, charming self. The doctor said it was most likely just a virus. She also said that A was one of the prettiest babies she had ever seen. I don't now jack about the medical part but I totally agree with her on the latter :)

And by the next day, she was totally back to normal. She felt so good, in fact, that she was able to figure out this new trick.

Please send help.

Party On, Party People

The babies' party was a couple weeks ago (which still hasn't been enough time for me to get used to the idea that I have one year olds OMG) and I just got our pictures back! My best friend's little sister is a really fabulous photographer and she came to the party to celebrate with us and capture our day! You can check Jodi out on her Facebook fan page but before you do that, look at our awesome party pictures!

Cupcakes and smash cakes, made by a wonderful family friend. Thanks, Mrs. Kathy!

Birthday babies!

Birthday girl!

How CUTE was her hairbow? Our outfits were from P is for Pigtails, and Lisa was a dream to work with!

Party animal :)

Hanging out with our BFF Holden, who happens to be the afore mentioned best friend's baby/photographer's nephew (and also one of Audrey's future suitors).

Hmmm.... not so sure about this cake thing.

Grayson was a PRO at it though!

Cleaning up the aftermath :)

Grayson thinks the party was a great success.

And Audrey and I agree!


Thanks to everyone who was able to come out and make our day special, and thanks to you for indulging this mama and letting me share those adorable pictures :) I think my kids are so stinkin cute and I don't think I'm one bit biased about that, either.

Welp, It's Official...

I have ONE-YEAR-OLDS.

Crazy.

The party was a huge success. We could not have asked for a prettier day and (most) everyone we loved was there to celebrate with us. It was a lovely celebration of our crazy year!

I know I've said it over and over, but I feel like the luckiest mama alive.

Sweet Potato Pie and I Shut My Mouth

The babies had their first taste of food last night! Figuring out the timing of starting purees was kind of complicated (but what isn't with a preemie?)... Conventional wisdom says babies "start solids" at 6 months, but at 6 months my babies were the size of a 2.5 month old. On the other hand, waiting until they were 6 months adjusted would have put them at over 9 months actual, and our neonatologist thought it was unnecessary to wait that long since we (so blessedly) avoided the intestinal problems that can plague preemies. After talking it to death discussing it in depth with ALL of our doctors, we decided to do it sometime between 6 months actual and 6 months adjusted. November puts us smack in the middle of the two, the babies were starting to show some signs of being ready and my sister was here to join the fun so it seemed like the perfect time to jump in :)

We started with sweet potatoes... and I even made our own puree!

Uh mom... what is that stuff?

First bites!

Audrey was kind of a fan

Grayson... not so much.

In Medical Terms: 6 Months

It's been awhile since I've done a big update on where the babies are, medically speaking. Really, I don't think I've done one big comprehensive health post since they were born! (Mom blog fail right there, huh?) We just had our 6-month check up, so let's catch you all up!

Grayson at birth was 1 pound 8 ounces and 12.5 inches, at 6 months is TEN POUNDS, 6 ounces and 22.75 inches!

Audrey at birth was 1 pound 5 ounces and 12.25 inches, at 6 months is finally (finally) (praise the Lord and pass the ammunition) (FINALLY) right at NINE POUNDS! And 21.5 inches long.

Both babies got their full round of 6 month vaccines plus their flu shot. Four shots apiece! They wailed like banshees but I don't blame them one bit. I thought Audrey was having a bad reaction to hers, but like I said, it was something else. Thank goodness, because that was miserable and I wouldn't want to do that with every round of shots!

Grayson was FINALLY cleared at the retina specialist! Audrey was cleared at our first visit two weeks after we left the NICU, but Grayson has made slow progress and has had to go back once a month since then. His oxygen requirements were a little higher when they were teeny tiny in the hospital, which made his eyes mature a bit slower. But hooray, no more miserable retina checks! We go to a pediatric opthamologist starting in January to do routine checks for nearsightedness. Side note: I'm really curious to see how they check a baby for nearsightedness. It's not like they can cover one eye and read the letters.

The babies had their first physical therapy evaluation back in August and were right on par for milestones for their adjusted age of one month then. Preemies are notorious for being behind on physical development due to laying in a hospital bed for so long, so that was a huge relief to hear! We have been doing our little exercises every day though and we go back in November for a re-evaluation. I can't wait to show off what we can do!

Speaking of what we can do, the babies have been hitting milestones left and right lately! So far, they can: hold their heads up during tummy time (Audrey more than Grayson, although I think it's more of a "want to" thing than a "can do" thing. A is nosey and G is lazy!), are starting to push up on their arms, will bear weight on their legs when held up, can track from almost across the room now, are smiling and cooing socially, and are showing interest in toys. They are alllllmost rolling over and have tried to reach for a toy once or twice now. Laughing and interacting with toys are next, and I cannot freaking wait for those!

Six Months!

My sweet little (BIG!) babies,

Did I really just type that? HOW are you SIX MONTHS OLD already? I feel like when I wake up tomorrow I'll be sending you to Kindergarten, then next week should be college if we're following the same trend. I know it's a common parent refrain, but time with you is going by so very fast!



It's been a roller coaster six months, for sure. The first half filled with hospitals and heartbreaks and hope, tubes and needles for you and Kleenex for me; and the second half filled with the joy (and growing pains!) of settling into our lives - at HOME - together!



It's not uncommon for me to be going about our day as normal and, out of nowhere, fill up with the kind of tears that can only come from that mixture of gratitude and awe and love that only moms know. You two have just fit so seamlessly into our world, it's like all these years we were walking around with this giant twin-shaped hole in our lives and you came along and filled it perfectly.


(Even Lexi agrees!)

I can't believe it's been a whole half-year since you were born - so tiny, so fragile and so full of fight. I look at you now with all your chub rolls and smiles and personality I am brought to my knees with how lucky I am, how amazing you are, and how great God is.

I love you two so very much, all the way to the moon and back-
Your Mama

In & Out

On Friday, the babies were 25 weeks old.

This officially means that the babies have been "out" longer than they were "in".

And yall... that is so crazy to me. The whole last year has been such a whirlwind, sometimes I stop and look around and can hardly believe that this is my life. It just seems so strange, things like this - sad things, hard things, miracle things - they happen to other people, they happen to friends of friends or someone your aunt works with. They don't happen to you. And yet here I am, with babies who are getting so big and who are doing so well and who are not even six months old and yet have been here longer than I was pregnant with them.

I still marvel at just how blessed I am.

Due Date

Today was the date that our babies were originally expected to arrive on.

But today my babies are 3 months, 2 weeks, and 6 days old.

I was braced for today to be hard somehow but really? I feel like today my world has been flipped right side up again after being upside down for so long.

Today I feel like I am right where I belong.

Today I should be settling into a new routine with the babies I just brought home. It's what every other "new" mom does on or around their due date and, although it's not quite the same, today that's exatly what I'm doing. I'm supposed to be exhausted and unshowered and covered in spit up. I'm supposed to be rocking babies at 3am and chasing pacis and trying to figure out how to swaddle a miniature Houdini. And after more than three months of missing out on so much "normal", it feels so good to finally be where I "should" be.

It's kind of strange though, to look at my babies and think that this is how I should have met them, Audrey with her chubby cheeks and Grayson with his head full of hair. They have changed and grown and accomplished so much in the last three and a half months and had they come today like they were supposed to I would have missed out on so much of them.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 - He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Welcome Home

Eighteen weeks ago I walked into the hospital, barely halfway through my pregnancy and uncertian of our future. Two weeks later I left the hospital, no longer pregnant and with only a pump, some pictures and a heart full of terrified prayers.

For the next 109 days, I would go back to that hospital and for every single one of those 109 days my babies had to stay and fight for their lives and I had to leave empty handed again and again.

Monday night I walked into the hospital again and then yesterday I left with my babies.



If there are words to describe this experience and these feelings, they are lost on me. It is simply the most beautiful moments of my entire existance.

Psalm 113:9 - He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord.

Miracles Indeed

I got this little gem from a friend today. Her church has chosen us for their camp service project, which is so unbelievable and humbling and wonderful beyond words. This is part of a conversation she had with her third-grade daughter:

"She was talking about how cool it was that they know the people they are talking about at camp this year, then she gets really quiet (which believe me doesn't happen often) and says, "Mom, are her babies miracles?"

Straight from the mouths of babes, huh?

We've started our discharge checklist. We're scheduled for infanct CPR, home oxygen set-up, and rooming in. If all goes well, we should have our babies home next week.

Just in time for my due date.

Acts 2:22 - Jesus of Nazareth was a man accredited by God to you by miracles, wonders and signs, which God did among you through him, as you yourselves know.

One Hundred

Yesterday was our 100th day in the NICU.

It has been one hundred days of stress. One hundred days of worry. One hundred days of tears and heartbreak and trudging back and forth from the hospital.

But it has also been one hundred days of joy. One hundred days of hope. One hundred days of unbearable love and watching miracles happen before my very eyes.

I was not supposed to have these 100 extra days with my babies. At least, not with my babies on the outside. But in a weird way, I'm kind of glad I did. This time - though harder than anything else I have ever had to endure - this time has been special. I have gotten to watch my teeny tiny one-and-a-half pound babies thrive and grow and become these newborns that aren't quite newborns. Babies are all amazing but my babies? They are extraordinary. Their strength in the last 100 days have proven that, time and time again. I am so lucky to have had these 100 days with them.

My times are in Your hand -Psalm 31:15


PS - Happy Fourth, yall. It's been a quiet one around here... we're busy preparing for our own little Independence Day ;)

Pour Out Your Hearts

Today was a much better day! The cupcake-and-sleep combo did me wonders.

The babies had a better day, too. They didn't get cupcakes unfortunately, but they did both a round of "just in case" antibiotics and some fresh blood so they were all happy and pink and pretty (Stephanie Meyer would be so jealous).

Today was bath and weight day too, and my kids have hit a definite growth spurt. The last time they were weighed was Thursday, and Grayson was 4lb2oz and Audrey was 3lb15oz. Today? FOUR POUNDS TEN OUNCES and FOUR POUNDS FIVE OUNCES. Holy moly! We officially have two 4 pound babies, and we're totally knocking on 5 pounds. I'm afraid Grayson is going to outgrow all his preemie stuff before I even get to put him in it.

Wanna see what else we have been up to?




Open beds! Grayson is in a normal, regular ol' full-term newborn crib! Audrey still needs a bed with a warmer but we are OUT of the isolettes! (Also, I'm very glad that our NICU's care level is not directly proportionate with the age of some of it's equipment. Nice wood paneling, no?)




PO feeds! I have to be totally honest and tell you that I have no idea what PO stands for but I DO know that it means we can feed the babies by mouth! Evey day we get to try one bottle feed and one breastfeed (don't worry, I won't share those pictures here) with both babies. Miss Piggy Pants has taken to it like a champ, and Grayson is good while he can stay awake which unfotunately isn't for long. It'll take practice but this is another huge step for my babies!

Also? The nurses have taken to saying "two to four weeks" now instead of "four to six weeks". Be still my heart.

Trust in Him at all times, o people, pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge. -Psalm 62:8

Two Months!

Both babies at once, for the very first time!

To my little loves,

Today you are two months old! Two months! There was a time that I didn't think I was going to get two days with you, so two months seems like such a huge accomplishment and an even bigger blessing. Two months - 61 days, to be exact - doesn't seem like that long but I already can't remember life without the two of you. How did I live without this enormous love?

Audrey

birthday // one month // two months
You love your paci and your daddy's voice. You're such a snuggler now and your favorite place is curled up on my chest with your head on my shoulder. You have the biggest most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen on a baby and the nurses all love your cheeks and laugh about how active you are in your bed during the "quiet times". They say you look like your daddy but I don't really see it, I think you have my nose and that you kind of look like my mom (your grandma) did when she was a baby. You FINALLY hit three pounds just this week and now you clock in at 3lb 7 oz, which is 2lb 2oz more than what you weighed when you were born.

Grayson

birthday // one month // two months
You just discovered your love for the paci too and you are so funny to watch with it, because you chomp on that thing like it is your job! You sleep like a champ (can we keep that up once you get home please?!?) and you make the cutest faces when we talk to you. In the picture of you with no tubes on you look just like my Grandpa did, you'll never get to meet him but I know that he would have loved you so very much. We tease you about being a wimpy white boy but you always prove us wrong in the end, and you're still my chunky monkey at 3lb 12oz (up 2lb 4oz since birth).


Look at how far you two have come in such a short time! I have said it a million times but I will never be able to put into words just how proud I am of you, my sweet little babies. You have shown me what is important in life - and there is nothing more important to me than the two of you. You are absolutely my reason for breathing.

I love you two, all the way to the moon and back.
-Mommy

Let's Play a Game!

First one who can figure out what's missing in this picture of Audrey is the winner...




That's right! She's off her CPAP!!!! Another HUGE step!

(Oh and PS, the nurses are all pretty sure that it should only be a few days before Grayson is extubated again, he's almost back to where he was when we did it the first time. He just got lazy about breathing. Love my wimpy white boy!)

Woah-oh, living on a prayer

Today the babies are 55 days old.

This is significant because if they come home on their due date (which is the canned answer in the NICU, most babies do) then we are halfway there.

It's a bittersweet day though. Grayson had to be put back on the ventilator this morning. It's frustrating, but not out of the ordinary in any way... in fact, his doctor told us that "if he had come off and stayed off the first time, it would have been very abnormal." He had some fluid in his lungs and the carbon dioxide level in his blood was elevated. He was just working so hard to breathe and he was wearing himself out. It's not that he's doing bad, it's just that he's not supposed to have to be doing it at all. He's not supposed to be on the outside, he's not supposed to have to breathe on his own, he's supposed to still be a fetus.

It's frustrating and it feels like a punch in the gut, but I am still so very very proud of him. He's doing the best he can, and he's really doing so well. They assured me that it will just be a few days, a week tops, to let him rest and then we'll give it another go. He'll get it eventually. I have so much faith in him.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. -Galatians 6:9

Bright Eyes

I forgot to update this amidst all the CPAP excitement (which, by the way, all of us on the CPAP are still rocking it) but the babies had their eye exams on Monday. Being born early puts babies at risk for something called Retinopathy of Prematurity (affectionately known as ROP), which is where the blood vessels in their retinas don't get to finish developing normally and can become "disorganized". ROP can cause vision problems at best, and retinal detachment or blindness if it is severe enough. All preterm babies are at risk for ROP, but especially babies with extremely low birthweights (um, check and check) and babies that have high oxygen reqirements for any amount of time (check there for Grayson too, from back when he was on the oscillator).

Needless to say, we were kind of holding our breath for this exam.

And while we were anxious to get the exam done and get some answers about the babies' eyes, the timing was horrible for it. The exam can be kind of stressful for the tiny ones, and I can totally understand why because their nurse gave me a very graphic description of the proceadure and I am SO glad I was at work and missed it. But I worried because when babies are so tiny like my babies are, stress can affect their respitory funtioning. And and I hated that this stress was coming so soon after their transition to CPAP - about 24 hours for Audrey and only 30 minutes for Grayson.

I was terrified that one (or both) would end up back on the venitlator.

They proved me wrong.

They both handled it with composure that would rival someone ten times their size (because seriously? I don't think I would have handled that well). The hated getting their eyes dialted but uh, does anyone like getting their eyes dialated? And afterwards they both bounced back well and settled down quickly and no one ended up back on the vent.

Oh, and the icing on the cake? Both exams came back well within normal limits. No ROP!

I should have never doubted my babies.

CPAP, Part 2!

Today was Grayson's day to shine... and shine he did.

My precious baby boy waited patiently for his turn (I'm glad Audrey has spunk like she does but I'm equally as glad that Grayson is so laid back!) and when they finally (FINALLY) took his tube out too he settled right in with his new gear and my baby breathed on his own.

I have two breathing babies.

I just don't have words for the beauty of the last two days.

In His hand is the life of every creature, and the breath of every human being. -Job 12:10

CPAP!

Today has been an exciting day!

The babies' team was all set to extubate everyone after rounds this morning, but Sassy got a little impatient and pulled her own tube out before it was time. (Have I mentioned yet that I FEAR the teenage years with that one?) Luckily their team is awesome and acted fast and got her hooked up to the CPAP before she crashed. She took to it like a champ and is doing AWESOME!!! The mask looks uncomfortable and she gets fussy every now and then but it's just going to take a few days for her to get used to her new setup. But her vitals have been stable and she is breathing. My baby is breathing!

Since Audrey's extubation was so, um, exciting, they wanted to be able to keep a good eye on her and decided to save Grayson's for tomorrow. He's ready though, he is so ready. He's been satting in the high 90s all day - on only 24% oxygen - he's letting us know he is ready.

I wish I had words more sufficient than thank you when it comes to your prayers. I don't think I could ever say it enough times to relay our gratitude.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6-7

Breathe on me

It has been seven and a half weeks that the babies have been on ventilators.

Two of those for Grayson were on the oscillator.

There have been no less than 11 accidental extubations and subsequent re-intubations between the two of them. About half of those were the babies pulling their own tubes out.

There has been a five-day round of steriods for each baby to help mature their lungs.

Tomorrow, those tubes are coming out - hopefully, for good.

The doctor wrote orders today for the babies to move to C-PAP tomorrow morning. The C-PAP stands for "continuous positive airway pressure". Basically, it is a mask they wear that blows a continuous stream of air to keep their lungs partially inflated between breaths, which makes breathing less work for them.

They will be getting some extra support but what that means is my babies will be breathing on their own.

If you can spare a prayer, pray for us for tomorrow. Pray for doctors that can work swiftly and steadily. Pray that my babies stay strong and take to the change well. Pray for my babies to breathe.

"Come trickle down and save the world
Two hands that I can't see
Come breathe, come breathe,
Come breathe on me"
-Jennifer Knapp, Breathe On Me

One Month Old!

Audrey

Birthday // One Week // One Month

Grayson

Birthday // One Week // One Month


To my sweet babies,

Today you are one month old! Yall are going to read this one day and not get why one month deserves an exclamation point but it so deserves one, if not more than one - I'm showing restraint here.

Look at how much you two have grown since you were born! At one month, you are still on your vents (but there has been talk of trying you off them soon!), your feedings are being increased almost daily and you have both gained more than a pound from your birth weight! Your personalities are really starting to shine and it makes me giggle at how different you already are. Grayson, you are going to be so laid back, just like your daddy, and Audrey, well... they call you Sassy for a reason!

The last 31 days have been terrifying, stressful, wonderful, incredible... there are no words that can adequately describe how I've felt. But I will tell you this: the two of you have captured my heart, wholly and completely. You barely weigh five pounds combined but the weight of your presence in my life is undeniable - my universe has shifted, tilted, and is now centered entirely around you.

Audrey and Grayson, I am infinitely proud of you, of how hard you are fighting and how strong you have proven to be already. I cannot wait for many many many more months together.

I love you two, all the way to the moon and back-
Mommy

I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. I will build you up again -Jer. 31:3-4