I got this little gem from a friend today. Her church has chosen us for their camp service project, which is so unbelievable and humbling and wonderful beyond words. This is part of a conversation she had with her third-grade daughter:
"She was talking about how cool it was that they know the people they are talking about at camp this year, then she gets really quiet (which believe me doesn't happen often) and says, "Mom, are her babies miracles?"
Straight from the mouths of babes, huh?
We've started our discharge checklist. We're scheduled for infanct CPR, home oxygen set-up, and rooming in. If all goes well, we should have our babies home next week.
Just in time for my due date.
Acts 2:22 - Jesus of Nazareth was a man accredited by God to you by miracles, wonders and signs, which God did among you through him, as you yourselves know.
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Friday, July 8, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Why?
I have a lot to write about.
Like how going back to work wasn't so bad. And about the March of Dimes walk I did this morning that was wonderful and so fufilling. And I need to make a big ol' update about the babies and how AWESOME they are doing.
But today... today, a new baby was admitted into our NICU. Not an uncommon occurance, but this baby is different. This is the first baby I've seen where the nurses have whispered "probably won't make it".
It shatters my heart.
I see this mom, still in a hospital gown and hooked to an IV, and she looks terrified and I want to hug her and tell her it's ok but the fact of the matter is it's not ok. This woman is living out my greatest fear right in front of my eyes, the fear that I danced dangerously close to and somehow escaped, it is her reality now and it absolutely shatters my heart.
I've asked God why a LOT throughout the last eight weeks. Why me? Why us? Why my precious, tiny babies? Why did this happen to me, and not my sister-in-law, or my three (yes, three) best friends who are also pregnant, or the woman in line behind me in Target? Why didn't He stop it from happening, make me go to the doctor earlier, slow my contractions? Why?
Tonight though, I'm asking a different kind of why. Why have my babies done so well? Why do I get to keep them and other women don't? That baby is no younger or smaller than what my babies were (because let's face it, my babies were as young and as small as they could be and still be considered "viable"), they were born at the same hospital with the same medical team and the same care, so what makes them different?
I know that I will probably never know the "becasue" to my "why". I just know that my babies are special, they were chosen for this and this is the path that my family was given to walk and there's no turning back now. And I know that I am incredibly lucky.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." -Jeremiah 1:5
Like how going back to work wasn't so bad. And about the March of Dimes walk I did this morning that was wonderful and so fufilling. And I need to make a big ol' update about the babies and how AWESOME they are doing.
But today... today, a new baby was admitted into our NICU. Not an uncommon occurance, but this baby is different. This is the first baby I've seen where the nurses have whispered "probably won't make it".
It shatters my heart.
I see this mom, still in a hospital gown and hooked to an IV, and she looks terrified and I want to hug her and tell her it's ok but the fact of the matter is it's not ok. This woman is living out my greatest fear right in front of my eyes, the fear that I danced dangerously close to and somehow escaped, it is her reality now and it absolutely shatters my heart.
I've asked God why a LOT throughout the last eight weeks. Why me? Why us? Why my precious, tiny babies? Why did this happen to me, and not my sister-in-law, or my three (yes, three) best friends who are also pregnant, or the woman in line behind me in Target? Why didn't He stop it from happening, make me go to the doctor earlier, slow my contractions? Why?
Tonight though, I'm asking a different kind of why. Why have my babies done so well? Why do I get to keep them and other women don't? That baby is no younger or smaller than what my babies were (because let's face it, my babies were as young and as small as they could be and still be considered "viable"), they were born at the same hospital with the same medical team and the same care, so what makes them different?
I know that I will probably never know the "becasue" to my "why". I just know that my babies are special, they were chosen for this and this is the path that my family was given to walk and there's no turning back now. And I know that I am incredibly lucky.
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." -Jeremiah 1:5
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Grace
Having babies born 16 weeks early has changed my relationship with God.
That seems like a given, doesn't it? A "duh" statement, because something this big, something as life-changing and earth-shattering can't be without spiritual ramifications, can it? What has surprised me though, is how deep and complex my feelings towards Him have been.
I am angry. I rage and lash out and question His plans, because how could he do this to my babies?
I am heartbroken. I watch my tiny babies fight just to stay alive and I beg and plead with Him to save them, heal them, make them better.
I am weary, tired in every sense of the word. I cling to His promises like life perservers and there are days when I just have to say "this is as far as I can go today, Lord, I need you to drag me by the collar through the rest."
But I am also grateful. So very very grateful. There was a time, in those early days in the hospital, when it was questionable if I would even have babies to worry about. The fact that they are here at all is enough to bring me to my knees with thanks.
And I am hopeful. I believe, wholeheartedly, that He can save them, that he will save them. I believe in His miracles.
My grace is enough; it's all you need. 2 Corinthians 12:9
That seems like a given, doesn't it? A "duh" statement, because something this big, something as life-changing and earth-shattering can't be without spiritual ramifications, can it? What has surprised me though, is how deep and complex my feelings towards Him have been.
I am angry. I rage and lash out and question His plans, because how could he do this to my babies?
I am heartbroken. I watch my tiny babies fight just to stay alive and I beg and plead with Him to save them, heal them, make them better.
I am weary, tired in every sense of the word. I cling to His promises like life perservers and there are days when I just have to say "this is as far as I can go today, Lord, I need you to drag me by the collar through the rest."
But I am also grateful. So very very grateful. There was a time, in those early days in the hospital, when it was questionable if I would even have babies to worry about. The fact that they are here at all is enough to bring me to my knees with thanks.
And I am hopeful. I believe, wholeheartedly, that He can save them, that he will save them. I believe in His miracles.
My grace is enough; it's all you need. 2 Corinthians 12:9
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