Party On, Party People

The babies' party was a couple weeks ago (which still hasn't been enough time for me to get used to the idea that I have one year olds OMG) and I just got our pictures back! My best friend's little sister is a really fabulous photographer and she came to the party to celebrate with us and capture our day! You can check Jodi out on her Facebook fan page but before you do that, look at our awesome party pictures!

Cupcakes and smash cakes, made by a wonderful family friend. Thanks, Mrs. Kathy!

Birthday babies!

Birthday girl!

How CUTE was her hairbow? Our outfits were from P is for Pigtails, and Lisa was a dream to work with!

Party animal :)

Hanging out with our BFF Holden, who happens to be the afore mentioned best friend's baby/photographer's nephew (and also one of Audrey's future suitors).

Hmmm.... not so sure about this cake thing.

Grayson was a PRO at it though!

Cleaning up the aftermath :)

Grayson thinks the party was a great success.

And Audrey and I agree!


Thanks to everyone who was able to come out and make our day special, and thanks to you for indulging this mama and letting me share those adorable pictures :) I think my kids are so stinkin cute and I don't think I'm one bit biased about that, either.

My Lovin' Arms Are For You

I knew from Day 1 that Chris was going to be a fantastic daddy. It was one of the (many) things that made me fall in love with him.

He has exceeded every expectation I have had.

Happy birthday to the most amazing husband and father I could have ever hoped to dream for. We love you!!!

In a world
That gets lost making plans
I'll just be your woman
And you can be my man
--Green River Ordinance, Dancing Shoes



*Photo courtesy of the wonderful and brilliantly talented Mrs. Jennifer LeMay of Photojennix Photography!

No Longer Will We Weep

Easter was our first holiday with the babies. Last year, I spent the day hunched over tiny plastic boxes, using one finger to gently stroke those teeny little miracles.

In the midst of my sadness at just how unfair it all was, I was sent a really lovely message from the lady who was my LifeTeen leader in high school. KJ was pretty awesome back then, and she has since moved away and started an adorable family of her own. In her message, she wrote this:
"I know everyone will say not to be hard on yourself, but I also know that as a Mom, it's what we do. I encourage you to ask for Mary's intercession* because she can relate to you better than anyone. After all, standing helplessly at the Crucifixion, she surely had to feel like the worst Mom ever as she stood there unable to stop her son's pain and feeling somehow responsible."

I mean... woah, right? What a profound statement. But really, how true! If anyone could understand the pain a Mama's heart feels at a hurting child, it's Mary. Her Son felt the ultimate pain, made the ultimate sacrifice, for us. And she was there to witness it.

I'm so thankful for a Savior who was hung on an old cross so many years ago as His mama watched, who rose again and hugged that mama one more time as He wiped all our sins clean. I've relied on the grace of Jesus many, many, many times in the last year, and I am unendingly grateful for where we are now. This Easter was so beautiful.

Mary in your mourning
Turn now as you weep
Look up to see a Savior
Oh and, sing Mary sing
--Jennifer Knapp, Sing Mary Sing



*For those of you who don't know, I was born and raised Catholic. If you're interested in what it means to ask for an intercession, there's a good article on it here.

Welp, It's Official...

I have ONE-YEAR-OLDS.

Crazy.

The party was a huge success. We could not have asked for a prettier day and (most) everyone we loved was there to celebrate with us. It was a lovely celebration of our crazy year!

I know I've said it over and over, but I feel like the luckiest mama alive.

Toes in the Water

I know, I know... These vacation pictures are about 3 weeks late. I'm a total slacker. I also have two babies who have seemingly forgotten how to nap.

This vacation was everything I had hoped it would be. Introducing my babies to their great-grandmas was such a fun mommy moment, and putting their toes in the water I grew up in was nothing short of magical. (OK, I thought it was magical, they just thought it was cold.)

But you're not here for words. Onto the pictures!

Great grandmas!

Generation pictures! Babies, me, my mom and her mom on top; Babies, me, my dad and his mom on bottom.

BEACH!

Beach babies :)

Love!


So much fun :) I can't wait to go back in April!

Happy Fall, Yall!

There are a lot of things I love about being a mom. Sleep smiles, for one. They are the cutest. Chub rolls on baby legs, too. Bathtimes are SO fun. And I love the way their heads fit in the crook of my neck when we snuggle.

Like I said, I really really love being a mom.

But I think what my favorite thing about being a mom is all the "firsts" I get with my babies. And ok, so maybe they're only six months old. And maybe adjusted they're really only closer to three-month-olds, so they really won't remember any of these "firsts". And maybe I love them so much because I missed out on so many firsts in the NICU. But truth is, I LOVE doing things with the babies that they have never done before. Even if it is something I've been doing for years, it is SO FUN to see it through a mother's eyes for the first time.

Now that Fall is here, and the holidays are just around the corner, our "firsts" are about to go into overdrive and I cannot wait! We kicked off the season with...

A visit to the pumpkin patch!!! We dressed in our fall finest, we ate boiled peanuts and cheap hotdogs (ok, Chris and I ate boiled peanuts and cheap hotdogs), we looked at the scarecrows, we picked out pumpkins! We didn't stay long because it was kind of chilly, but we had so much fun regardless. I can't wait to carve our pumpkins!

PS - How cute would these pictures be in a MixBook photobook? So cute. My dear friend Whitney is giving one away at her blog, We're Making History! I entered to win... you should go visit and enter, too! (Ok maybe not enter, because then that would lessen my chances of winning. But DO go visit Whit, she's awesome and she has really cute dogs and a really cute fiance!)

Welcome Home

Eighteen weeks ago I walked into the hospital, barely halfway through my pregnancy and uncertian of our future. Two weeks later I left the hospital, no longer pregnant and with only a pump, some pictures and a heart full of terrified prayers.

For the next 109 days, I would go back to that hospital and for every single one of those 109 days my babies had to stay and fight for their lives and I had to leave empty handed again and again.

Monday night I walked into the hospital again and then yesterday I left with my babies.



If there are words to describe this experience and these feelings, they are lost on me. It is simply the most beautiful moments of my entire existance.

Psalm 113:9 - He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord.

Miracles Indeed

I got this little gem from a friend today. Her church has chosen us for their camp service project, which is so unbelievable and humbling and wonderful beyond words. This is part of a conversation she had with her third-grade daughter:

"She was talking about how cool it was that they know the people they are talking about at camp this year, then she gets really quiet (which believe me doesn't happen often) and says, "Mom, are her babies miracles?"

Straight from the mouths of babes, huh?

We've started our discharge checklist. We're scheduled for infanct CPR, home oxygen set-up, and rooming in. If all goes well, we should have our babies home next week.

Just in time for my due date.

Acts 2:22 - Jesus of Nazareth was a man accredited by God to you by miracles, wonders and signs, which God did among you through him, as you yourselves know.

Happy Father's Day

Audrey got his eyes. Grayson got his hands. I hope they both get his unbeliveably witty sense of humor, his sense of strength in adversity, and his ability to love without boundaries. I hope Grayson grows up to be just like him and I hope Audrey grows up to marry someone just like him. He is the very best father I could have ever hoped to have for my children.



Watching you fall in love with our babies has made me fall in love with you all over again. Happy Father's Day, honey.



PS And a special shout out to my very own Daddy... thank you for for setting a fantastic example of what a father should be and thank you for loving me regardless of my teenage years. I love you!

There's No Place Like It

The H word.

Nurses don't just throw that word around. Doctors hardly ever say it. It's never been said to us before.

Until today.

"We weaned Grayson's flow a to 2.5 today," the respitory therapist told us. "Once we can get him down to one we can start talking about sending him home."

Home.

HOME!

Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness!!! This is actually gonna happen, yall. I've always thought in "ifs" and not "whens", and most of the time I've been too scared to think about anything further than the next five minutes with my babies. But it looks like it is actually going to happen. These tiny babies in the plastic boxes are going to be coming home with me!

It makes me cry. And laugh. And panic a little. I have a nursery to finish! (And by finish I mean start. Did I say OH MY GOODNESS?!?)

(And PS - They're not talking about tomorrow, of course. We still have other milestones to meet. But it's in the not-so-distant future!)

Joyful in Hope

Look at how cute my baby boy is!



No really, how freakin cute is he?

Oh, and did you notice? Did you notice he fact that there are no tubes on my baby boy's face? He extubated accidentally during his bath this afernoon and the respitory therapist and his nurse both said it would be silly to reintubate him because he was doing so well. In fact, he was doing SO well that they let me take these few pictures without anything on him before hey hooked him up to the cannula.



That's right, I said CANNULA! They let him skip the CPAP and go straight to the cannula this time! He wasn't too sure about it at first (as you can see), and the air flow made him really sneezy. But as soon as he settled down he did really well with it! Fingers, toes, and eyes crossed that it sticks this time. Prayers that he's rested well and can do it. I know he can!

We are so blessed. God is so good.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. -Romans 12:12

Let's Play a Game!

First one who can figure out what's missing in this picture of Audrey is the winner...




That's right! She's off her CPAP!!!! Another HUGE step!

(Oh and PS, the nurses are all pretty sure that it should only be a few days before Grayson is extubated again, he's almost back to where he was when we did it the first time. He just got lazy about breathing. Love my wimpy white boy!)

CPAP, Part 2!

Today was Grayson's day to shine... and shine he did.

My precious baby boy waited patiently for his turn (I'm glad Audrey has spunk like she does but I'm equally as glad that Grayson is so laid back!) and when they finally (FINALLY) took his tube out too he settled right in with his new gear and my baby breathed on his own.

I have two breathing babies.

I just don't have words for the beauty of the last two days.

In His hand is the life of every creature, and the breath of every human being. -Job 12:10

Hiccups

I had a big entry planned in my mind.

It was going to be a pretty negative entry. I was going to complain about some stuff, talk about some people, unload some petty things that have been weighing on me.

But then, when I was holding Audrey this afternoon, we got this...

Untitled from Jessica Lee on Vimeo.

And really, is there anything else that matters? Anything besides those big eyes that look for us now and those adorable hiccups and that smile that slays me every time and the fact that this beautiful baby girl and her brother are living, breathing miracles?

They are my whole world. And they are the only thing that matters.

Happy Mother's Day!

Out of all the Jessicas I've ever been - daughter, sister, student, friend, teacher, wife - Mommy is by far my favorite ♥

At Long Last

Ladies and gentlemen, it's been four whole weeks in the making, but here it is...



The Lee Family, in our very first family photo!

My heart has never been happier.

Strap Yourself In

I've heard the NICU stay described as a "rollercoaster" more than once. And damn if that isn't the truth.

Grayson's doing ok. He still HATES the machine but they've been giving him medicine to keep him sedated so he's much more comfortable than he was. And the GOOD news is that the oscillator is doing what it's supposed to do - his oxygen requirements are still high BUT his blood gases have been AWESOME since he's been on it and they've already been able to wean him down a little bit. So that's a bright spot! Hopefully his stint on it will be short.

Thank you thank you THANK YOU for all your prayers... they are being felt and heard and answered.

And then the up... I got to hold Audrey today for the third time! And I got to hold her for A WHOLE HOUR while they administered her feeding! And her sat levels (the amount of oxygen in her blood) stayed perfect THE WHOLE TIME!!! She's really prone to de-satting when she's being messed with so that is a HUGE deal. Preemie moms always say that they're surprised at how light their babies are, but for me it's the opposite; I excpect them to be terribly fragile, like an eggshell or a Christmas ornament, so I'm always taken aback by how solid they really are. And having her against me, feeling her settle into my chest and wiggle and breathe is just... there are no words for it. And I am SO thankful that although the moments don't come often enough, they come.

I love my babies so much. And I love you all for loving them too.